Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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