So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
