Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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