yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left an ass print on the piano.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
