Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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