What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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