I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
