Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
