I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
