Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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