Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
