I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
