i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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