He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
