Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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