so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The best revenge is premature balding
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
