He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
