tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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