This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize