The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
