this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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