so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
