if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
