I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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