I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And then he peed in my hair
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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