I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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