the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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