Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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