Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
