I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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