Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
