My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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