so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
