But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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