She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting married
To pizza
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
