I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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