somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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