What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
