"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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