he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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