your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
