I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
