I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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