My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
