I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
