She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
