i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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