Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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