The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
