He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
