it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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