So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
