god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wear drunk well.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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