singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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