you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
