Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
