they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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