found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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