wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
