highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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