That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
