babies were throwing up all over the place
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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