I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
