So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm really busy with my period
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