i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
