I'm laying in your front yard are you home
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
