I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
