TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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