i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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