Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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