Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
