I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
