think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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