The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
