just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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